For most of our lives, we are bombarded with social messaging about what romance and love look like: fun dates, long late night phone calls, loving glances, complete happiness, wanting to spend all your time together. We are taught from such a young age what romance looks like; however, some of the things we frequently see as being romantic, can actually be signs of abuse. These misconceptions can make these red flags exceedingly difficult to recognize.
There are some things that our partners can do that may seem at first glance romantic or endearing, but that are in fact abusive. Constant communication is one of these behaviors that is important to understand. Of course you and your partner will want to communicate frequently, and in the beginning of the relationship, it can be very frequent as you get to know each other, but still not be cause for concern. This excessive communication becomes an issue when it becomes an expectation. Your partner should not expect you to always be available to text or chat on the phone, and they should not become suspicious and controlling if you are busy doing something else and can’t talk. Although this may seem sweet because it appears they just want to talk to you, there should never be an expectation that you are always available. Another commonly missed warning sign of abuse is jealousy. It can seem sweet when your partner gets jealous, and it can feel that the cause behind it is that they care deeply for you. In small amounts, jealousy is normal; however, if your partner shows extreme jealousy and uses it to control you, possibly telling you you can’t have other friends or you have to tell them where you are at all times, the jealousy is likely a sign of relationship abuse. Another common warning sign that can be mistaken for love or romance is wanting to spend every second together. When a relationship first begins, it is common for people to want to spend a lot of time together. But, there should never be an expectation of this. If your partner frequently pressures you into spending all your time with them, causing your other relationships to suffer, it is no longer romantic or sweet. You should feel comfortable spending time with your family and friends, or just by yourself, and your partner should always respect this.
Romance is a great thing, but you have to watch out for unhealthy behavior masquerading as romance and love. If you identify these behaviors and possibly other red flags in your own relationships, it may be time to take a closer look, and evaluate whether the relationship really is as healthy as it may at first glance seem.
Until Next Time,
Lindsey Slama