Dating Abuse in the Age of Technology

“Disconnecting from our technology to reconnect with ourselves is absolutely essential.” -Arianna Huffington

Over the past 50 years, technology has become a more and more central aspect of our lives. Cell phones and social media have connected us in ways many could never have imagined, computers and tablets have enabled much of our education to occur online (as has been highlighted by the recent events with COVID-19), and the internet has given us access to a whole universe of information and knowledge. As technology has grown and become an ever more central part of our lives, it has also become a central part of our relationships. Texting, FaceTime calls, Snapchat, and Instagram are modes that many young people use to communicate, with some relationships even occurring exclusively online. Although in many ways this is a gift, allowing us to stay connected and broaden our social circles, in some ways it has become an avenue for relationship abuse to occur.

Abuse through technology is a relatively new issue, which is why it can be harder to identify and more difficult to talk about. As in face-to-face relationships, we have the right to set boundaries and have privacy online. Those we are in relationships with do not have the right to tell us who we can text or follow, what to post, where we can go, or who we can spend time with. Even when in a relationship, we as individuals, maintain the full right to decide these things. Important warning signs to pay attention to when it comes to abuse through technology are frequent location tracking (which is usually associated with accusations about one's whereabouts), extreme jealousy and control around who you text or follow, and unending communication. It is perfectly ok and is actually very healthy to set boundaries when it comes to the amount of communication, or how much access your partner has to your social media and technology. If possible, try to have a conversation with your partner and set these boundaries early so that there is a mutual understanding. If your boundaries or wishes are not being respected, it may be time to have a serious conversation with your partner, or to leave the relationship.

It can seem sometimes that because we are using technology so much, that we should constantly be available to communicate with our partners, but this is not the case. Take some time this week to unplug from your phone and computer, and consider the boundaries that are important to you when it comes to technology.

Until Next Time,

Lindsey